19 Signs You're Ready for Marriage, According to Relationship Experts - Brides

The dating game can be tough, so when you meet someone and you simply click, it's no surprise that you'd want to commit to a lifetime together. Unfortunately, a relationship going well isn't the one and only indicator that you're ready for marriage—and it's not right to simply say, "I want to get married" and proceed to force your partner and your relationship into boxes they simply don't fit into (or aren't ready for). So, how can you know if you really are ready? If you had a crystal ball—and you believed that it would work—you'd gaze into its depths and ask but one question: "Should I get married?"

Determining whether or not you're ready for marriage is one of the biggest decisions you will ever make. To help, we spoke to relationship expert Pareen Sehat, MC, RCC, and Robert Riordan, JD, PsyD, an attorney and couples therapist, to learn the 19 signs that you're truly ready to tie the knot. 

Meet the Expert

• Pareen Sehat, MC, RCC, is the clinical director of Well Beings Counseling. She is a registered counselor with the BCACC.
• Dr. Robert Riordan, JD, PsyD, is an attorney and clinical psychologist who specializes in couples therapy. He has a private practice in New York City and Connecticut and is the founder of Blueprint, an immersive couples therapy retreat that welcomes duos preparing themselves for marriage.

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How to Know You're Ready to Get Married

How to Start Talking About Marriage When You're Ready

So, you can officially say, "I want to get married." The marriage conversation is one of the most important discussions that you will ever have as a couple, so you should treat it that way, says Dr. Riordan. Here are a few of his best tips for broaching the subject.

Choose the right time.

"Don't have this discussion late at night, in the middle of a heated argument, or when you only have a few minutes," says Dr. Riordan. "Set up a specific time to talk with your partner when you both have the focused attention to discuss a positive matter close to your heart."

Be clear about what you want.

During your discussion, speak clearly. "Don't be coy, vague, or passive aggressive," Dr. Riordan shares. "Make your wishes clear, and never apologize for making something this important a priority that requires your partner's time and full attention."

Practice active listening.

This conversation requires you to actively listen to your partner—and manage your disappointment if they don't feel the same way or share that they have actionable needs that need to be addressed before you take the next step. "If you two agree that marriage is in your future, don't let the conversation end until you have a clear understanding of your partner's specific needs. Responses like 'I need more time,' or 'We don't have enough money' are unhelpful and overly vague," Dr. Riordan says. "However, if you can end the conversation with a specific timeframe to, for instance, save a concrete amount of money, you're in good shape. Make sure that you end your conversation with an action plan that you both feel good about."

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What Not to Say When Discussing Marriage

Don't play the comparison game.

"Don't compare your relationship to other parties and how they have handled their commitment— complaining that 'John proposed to Amanda after only six months' won't get you anywhere!" explains Dr. Riordan. "This conversation is about your relationship. Only the opinions of the parties in this union should have any weight."

In that vein, try not to bring up anyone else's opinion during your conversation. "'My sister thinks you should have already proposed' will only make your partner defensive," adds Dr. Riordan.

Don't give any ultimatums.

If you issue an ultimatum, you probably aren't ready for marriage—doing so goes against the practice of meeting your partner where they are, which is a pretty important tenet of a union. "If your partner is not ready and willing to make a commitment, instead of issuing a demand, focus on discussing the impediments to a commitment together and how best to address them as a team," offers Dr. Riordan.

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